Get Real About Bully Awareness

A couple of weeks ago I watched a repeat of Dateline Bullying – My Kids Would Never…hosted by Ann Curry.  The key question addressed was “Have we taught our kids what to do when the bullying starts?”  This puts the focus on the bystanders who were obviously uncomfortable in the midst of bullies and victims (played by actors.)  Bullies, victims and bystanders were teens, both male and female.  Bystanders thought the group interactions they were involved in were genuine.   Their moms (I saw no dads) watched on hidden camera. 

The media does a lot to highlight this very real problem and as a teacher, I’m pretty tuned in to this and here’s what I’ve noticed.  I have never heard it mentioned that BULLYING IS A LEARNED BEHAVIOR.   I would like to hear it broadcast far and wide that adults need to carefully consider their own words when talking to or about other people in the presence of children – or when speaking directly to children.  It is my observation that bullying behaviors occur on a spectrum, from mild gossip and subtle rudeness or sarcasm to all out verbal, emotional or physical abuse.  The thing is, children are watching, and listening, and learning how to be. 

I realize that certain less-than-kind words and behaviors that occur between or among adults (especially in their own homes) are not necessarily bullying.  But then, a child takes those words or behaviors and applies them outside the home.  Think about it.  Where does a 4-year-old learn to call another child an idiot?  Where does an 8-year-old boy learn to point between his legs and tell a girl classmate to “bite me.”  Where do third grade girls learn to make each other cry with a whisper, a pointing finger, and a dirty look?  Sooner or later these little ones deliver a barb to a susceptible child within a context or in front of an audience that elevates the action to true bullying. 

I’ve observed these types of behaviors among school children for 20+ years.  Over time I’ve also observed an escalation in the frequency, blatancy and intensity of these types of childhood interactions.  I believe this progression has to do with the advent of deliberate rudeness, meanness and humiliation tactics marketed as television entertainment. 

Addressing bullying with teens and putting the onus on the bystanders to speak up has its place in extinguishing this behavior.  However, I believe that if we truly think bullying is an issue worth our time and effort, we need to look more closely at how we as families and as a society are indoctrinating and empowering bullies.    Is there anyone out there with a high profile media platform who is willing to explore the real catalyst behind the bullying problem?